I wonder

As I sit here awake, again close to 4am.. I listen to Frail from Jars of Clay
I talked to her this morning... wished her a happy new year.. she calls me strange for it since she didn't see us as friends... I wonder...

Sometimes I wonder why I try
Other times I wonder why I'm still alive
Sometimes I wonder why I try
Other times I want to curl up and die

I want to see her smile at me again
I don't want to be remembered by the dirt that was placed on past memories
I want to dissapear
Yet I want to be there

I take a chance
Only to be wounded once more
Yet slowly my resolve becomes stronger
My courge and strength start to regain

Someday I know I'll see you again
'Till then there's always my dreams
Though how much more pain can I take
before my soul chokes from all the times it screams.


Happy new years everyone, hope it started better than some of us.
~ John